'The Simpsons' softball team with current MLB stars

On Saturday, "The Simpsons" celebrate the 24th anniversary of "Homer at the Bat," a wildly ambitious effort that wrangled guest appearances from nine MLB stars in what proved to be one of the truly unforgettable episodes of history's most indelible (and quotable) cartoon.

If cultural ignorance is your thing, though, here's a quick synopsis, courtesy of SimpsonsWiki.com:

Mr. Burns bets $1,000,000 that his company (softball) team can beat a competing plant's team. In order to do so, he replaced the regular company team with new security guard Roger Clemens, new janitor Wade Boggs, lunchroom cashier Ken Griffey Jr., and other new employees, such as Steve Sax, Don Mattingly, Ozzie Smith, Darryl Strawberry, Jose Canseco, and Mike Scioscia.

Spoiler alert: Burns' team wins, and it's Homer who (inadvertently) drives in the winning run by taking a pitch off his head with the bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth after unexpectedly pinch-hitting for Strawberry.

To celebrate the episode's anniversary, let's hypothesize what the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball team might look like with an updated roster.

Kyle Schwarber - C

While Burns was initially determined to have Gabby Street behind the plate, Smithers eventually convinced him that Schwarber is a better option, and that Street died in 1951. As a rookie, Schwarber hit 16 homers with an .842 OPS in 69 games for the Chicago Cubs, but when he heard about the opportunity to represent the Nuclear Power Plant, he hopped on the very next plane to Springfeld...field.

Prince Fielder - 1B

Fielder rebounded nicely with Texas last summer following an injury-marred 2014 campaign, and even caught Burns' attention with his "loose waggle" at the plate. Although Burns was disappointed when he learned Fielder isn't related to former president Richard Nixon - Smithers said it was unlikely, as they spell and pronounce their names differently - Fielder's .378 OBP was enough to land him a roster spot.

Jose Altuve - 2B

Altuve has had a tough time adjusting to life in Springfield - local bullies Kearney, Dolph, Jimbo, and Nelson have taunted him mercilessly about his height - but the 25-year-old still ranks second at his position in WAR since 2014 and is one of the best leadoff hitters money can buy. He just needs to start drinking more malk, is all.

Josh Donaldson - 3B

Reluctant, at first, to add Donaldson to the team - he found his Viking-like appearance off-putting - Burns asked the 30-year-old third baseman to make a case for his roster spot without using the letter "E." Donaldson replied: "AL MVP."

Jung-ho Kang - SS

Even after suffering a broken tibia and meniscus tear in September - to add insult to injury, young Springfieldianite Milhouse Van Houten signed his cast "Milpool" - Kang's auspicious first season in Pittsburgh made him one of Burns' top recruits (even though Burns voted for Kodos).

Coco Crisp - LF

Amid continued discomfort caused by a degenerative neck problem, Crisp decided to take a chance one desperate evening, calling 1-600-DOCTORB and agreeing to go under the knife of noted quack Dr. Nick Riviera. The operation was successful, though, and since Crisp had no desire to go back to Oakland (who could blame him?), joining Burns' team made too much sense.

Mike Trout - CF

The four-time All-Star is barely old enough to gain entrance to the now defunct Maison Derriere, but Trout is the undisputed centerpiece of Burns' lineup nonetheless. His cartoonish musculature has led to plenty of endorsement opportunities in Springfield, too, as Trout is reportedly in discussions with Duff Brewery to take over as their iconic spokesman/mascot, Duffman.

Jayson Werth - RF

Though the 36-year-old has spent a lot of time in recent years nursing injuries and helping his buddy, Otto, get his driver's license back, Werth still has enough on-base proficiency to stay in Burns' good graces. If Werth looks disinterested, at times, in right field, it's only because he's contemplating Comic Book Guy's theories as to how Jon Snow might actually still be alive in "Game of Thrones."

David Ortiz - DH

Despite announcing his plans to call it a career after 2016, Ortiz deferred his retirement indefinitely after some cautionary tales from Chief Wiggum about what happens to things - police officers, drug-sniffing dogs, even some cars - on the verge of retirement.

Bartolo Colon - SP

Unable to pass his course at Krusty's Clown College on funny place names - it's not easy to remember Keokuk, Walla Walla, and Seattle! - Colon decided to stick to what he knows best and accept Burns' offer to join the team. At 42, Colon is the most seasoned member of the club, but given his performance with the New York Mets last year, he continues to defy local bartender Moe Szyslak's perhaps unfair generalization that "old people are no good at everything."