The year in quotes 2013

Another year, another 365 days of sports people saying things. Some good, some bad, some funny, some amazingly stupid. It's the year in quotes for 2013.

1. Zlatan Being Zlatan

"One thing is for sure, a World Cup without me is nothing to watch so it is not worthwhile to wait for the World Cup.”

- Zlatan Ibrahimovic

If I were to crown a person of 2013, it would have to be Zlatan Ibrahimovic. So let's get this thing started with the man himself, because there's no way he'd want to be anything but first. Zlatan is kind of the Kanye West of sports. If this goal is his Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy and losing to Portugal is his 808s and Heartbreak, these quotes are his Yeezus. I think I've taken that metaphor as far as I can. 

2. Johnny Football Likens Himself To Bieber

"I guess I feel like Justin Bieber or something."
"Kid can’t even go out and kick a can without upsetting somebody."

- Johnny Manziel

Speaking of people that took the spotlight in 2013, look no further than Johnny Football himself. Whether a source of controversy or a source of legitimate football talk, Manziel really couldn't escape the focus of the media so, maybe this Bieber analogy isn't the worst. Personally, I'd rather watch him make money gestures to the crowd. Manziel for Bills QB 2014. 

3. Randy Carlyle Is Not A Doctor

"I have a theory on concussions. I think the reason there’s so much more of them obviously the impact and the size of the equipment and the size of the player—but there’s another factor: Everyone wears helmets, and under your skull when you have a helmet on, there’s a heat issue.

Everyone sweats a lot more, the brain swells. The brain is closer to the skull. Think about it. Does it make sense? Common sense?"

- Randy Carlyle

Oh, we did think about it, Randy, and, no, it doesn't make sense. This is still one of the dumbest things ever said by anyone (what is hyperbole?). Concussions were a major focus in 2013 and there were strides made in both good and bad directions. This quote, though. I mean, putting aside whatever you think of Randy Carlyle as a coach...this is just a staggeringly idiotic thing to say. It's spectacularly wrong. I expect something like this to be followed by "oh, and last night I accidentally ate soap."

4. Rick Reilly Knows A Native American

"Too late. White America has spoken. You aren't offended, so we'll be offended for you.

Trust us. We know what's best. We'll take this away for your own good, and put up barriers that protect you from ever being harmed again.

Kind of like a reservation."

- Rick Reilly

Speaking of the dumbest things a human being can say/write, let's move on to Rick Reilly. 

This is how Rick ended his oustandingly tone-deaf diatribe about why the Washington Redskins shouldn't have to change their name. 

Put aside the fact that he misquoted his Native American father-in-law to better suit his argument (though he totally did), let's instead focus that he ended the piece with that reservation line. Read it, then remember who Rick Reilly is, and then gape at the staggering ignorance and privilege it portrays. It's almost impressive. Almost. 

5. Hockey Players Who Are Smarter Than Politicians

"It’s terrible, just awful,” “I think that everyone should be able to be themselves. It’s unbelievable that it can be this way, especially in a big country like Russia.”

“That’s completely wrong, We’re all human. No one should have a say in what way you’re sexually oriented. The Olympics are there for a reason, Everyone should be able to participate and be themselves. Everyone should stand up for the rights of homosexuals.”

- Henrik Zetterberg & Victor Hedman, respectively

Two quotes from two NHLers on the anti-homosexual laws passed in Russia in the lead up to the 2014 Sochi Olympics. I don't really have a point to this quote, I just felt Zetterberg and Hedman deserved to be recognized for making their views public. In a time when so many players are keeping quiet on the issue (note to athletes: you have a platform to speak up, do so. Silence helps nothing) or, in certain cases, supporting the laws, it was refreshing to see two players of their stature come out in opposition to the legislature. High fives all around for all the athletes and sports figures who have spoken out against these awful and ridiculous laws.  

6. Lance Tells Us What We Already Knew

"I am flawed...deeply flawed. I didn't invent the (doping) culture but I didn't try to stop the culture and that's my mistake, and that's what I have to be sorry for. When you see the (life ban) punishment ...I got a death penalty meaning I can't compete. I'm not saying that is unfair but it is different."

- Lance Armstrong

In a sport that is clearly so dominated by doping, it perhaps shouldn't have come as a surprise that the sport's greatest figure ended up getting caught. But, for all the media attention, the feel good stories, the denials, and the accusations, 2013 was the year that we finally learned the truth. The greatest tragedy from this whole situation, however, is that his cameo in Dodgeball really doesn't hold up at all any more.

7. Union Leader Has Perspective

‘We’ll get back to what we used to call business as usual as fast as we can. Hopefully, within a very few days, the fans can get back to watching people who are skating, not the two of us.’

- Donald Fehr

Hey, remember the NHL Lockout? That ended in 2013 too. Way back in January. I'm not Don Fehr's biggest fan but I don't know if I agreed with anything more this year than him saying that fans were tired of watching him and Gary Bettman speak. RIP NHL Podium.

8. Prison Letters With Special Requests

CAN'T WAIT TO sign this again when I'm playing again an[d] prove all the haters and do[wn] talkers WRONG. *Keep this off social media PLEASE!

- Aaron Hernandez (in a letter from prison)

The Aaron Hernandez thing happened this year too. Remember that? There were many quotes I could have taken from this entire ordeal but the letter Hernandez sent from prison was probably my favourite. I don't want to laugh at a situation as serious as alleged murder but, I mean, the social media asterisk. Man. That's something. If you write "please" in all caps, there's a pretty solid chance that the opposite of what you're asking is what's going to happen. 

9. Pop Is All Business

“I want them to have no fun whatsoever. This is all business.  There’s no eighth game, is there?  This is the last game.  That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

“I think vacation is overrated.  I mean, I’ll take some time, I’ll walk the streets some place and I’ll travel and I’ll spend time with my family in other places.  But after a little while just getting up when you want to in the morning and really not having challenges gets a little boring.  You can only grow so many tomatoes and read so many books.  You want to get busy, get competitive again.”

- Gregg Popovich, before Game 7 of the NBA Finals

Nothing I could possibly say about this could be better than the quote itself. Popovich is the best. 

10. Raining On The Freshman Parade

"There’s no player that’s out there on the horizon that’s a Tim Duncan or a LeBron James."

“I’ve seen all these guys play. I think they’re very talented players. They’re not that kind of player. They’re not transcendent players that are gonna make your franchise into a 10-12-15-year winning franchise because you’re there. I don’t see that.”
- Jim Boeheim on the 2014 NBA Draft Class

In yet another NBA season where teams are motivated to start tanking to get a good draft pick (or happen to be in the Eastern Conference so it's just kind of the default), Jim Boeheim had to show up and ruin everyone's fun. The hype machine is working overdrive on the 2014 NBA Draft Class so maybe Boeheim is just trying to temper expectations. Or maybe he's just pissed that none of them play for Syracuse. 

11. Impact Statement Of The Year

"I'm a 34-year-old NBA center. I'm black. And I'm gay."

- Jason Collins

Chris Broussard's homophobic reaction aside, the fact that Jason Collins' announcement was met with much praise from the sporting world was perhaps the most encouraging and uplifting moment of the year. There is obviously a ways to go for homosexual athletes to be fully accepted but Collins' Sports Illustrated article was a massive step in the right direction. Martina Navratilova called it a game-changer. I think she's right. 

12. Context Does Not Matter

“Whatever it takes. Have two midgets come in here and massage you. Whatever it takes, man, do it.”

- Martell Webster

Uh. Yeah. Okay, Martell. 
Is it 2014 yet?