5 things we hope Tom Brady writes about in his upcoming book

Tom Brady is writing a book called "The TB12 Method: How to Achieve a Lifetime of Sustained Peak Performance," and you'll be able to buy it this fall, if that sort of thing interests you.

While it sounds like the book will just be a guide to the ways Brady has remained an elite athlete in his late 30s (spoiler: he eats healthy and stretches a lot), we're hoping he'll embrace the opportunity to truly open up to his fans in his own words.

Here are five topics we'd love to see Brady write about in-depth:

The time he played with swollen testicles

Most NFL fans remember the torn ACL that cost Brady all but one game in 2008, but did you know that it wasn't necessarily the most painful injury of his career?

Late in the 2005 season, Brady played through a sports hernia that reportedly caused his testicles to swell to three times their normal size. Yikes! Perhaps not coincidentally, that's the year Brady lost his first playoff game.

(Insert joke about inflated balls here.)

Who is really running his social media accounts

Brady is prolific on Facebook, regularly posting the sort of goofy content moms and dads crave.

The account is under Brady's name, and posts are written in the first person, but it's awfully hard to believe he's sitting at home during the season and photoshopping himself into the "Top Gun" poster to troll the New York Jets:

Or into a game of table tennis, for no apparent reason:

So who's running the account? Is it Gisele? Is it a team of interns Brady employs?

And what does he have to gain from all of this? He's a multimillionaire, multi-time Super Bowl winner who's married to a supermodel. Does he crave Facebook likes that much?

Where he learned to dance

We need an explanation for this:

And we really, really need an explanation for this:

If he really believes those pajamas heal him

Brady made headlines earlier this year when he announced a line of pajamas claimed to heal the wearer while they sleep. While the product drew some scrutiny, we probably should have demanded more answers about $200 pajamas that claim to heal you while you sleep.

Seriously, what's the scientific mechanism supposedly at work here? Because this sounds an awful lot like magic:

While he's at it, maybe Brady can come clean about whether he truly believes Uggs are a product anyone should wear.

What really happened with those deflated balls

Who are we kidding? There isn't a chance in hell of Brady opening up about Deflategate in his book.

By now, most football fans have moved on and accepted that even if he did conspire to deflate some footballs, it probably had no impact on the outcome of the game.

We still don't know why that Patriots staffer took a bag of footballs into the bathroom, or why another staffer referred to himself as "the deflator" in a text message, and even if Brady writes 10 books we probably won't ever get the full story.