Week 2 NFL Betting Diary: Switching up the juju

Each week, theScore's betting writer, Alex Kolodziej, will share a running diary of his Sunday experiences. Here's his second edition (all times PT):

Sunday, Sept. 16

7:27 a.m.: There's an uneasy feeling brewing in my stomach. It's not the need for a trip to the bathroom, but the foreboding sense that Week 1's coup - 7-1-1 spanning Sunday/Monday - will come crashing down to earth faster than Peyton Hillis' career post-"Madden" cover.

8:11 a.m.: The dehydration, I'm telling you. I mowed through two pots of coffee during college football Saturday and all I earned was minus-$11. In essence, I paid $11 to drink two pots of coffee and yell at Hawaii's offense on TV.

8:59 a.m.: One of my friends I text every Sunday before the games start can't watch them this weekend because he has to go to a family party with his wife! I hope I can one day love someone that much. Brutal!

9:12 a.m.: I've been locked in with three plays for a couple days, but made one late add. Here's what we're rolling with:

• Panthers/Falcons OVER 44.5
• Steelers -5
• Chiefs/Steelers OVER 53
• Dolphins/Jets UNDER 42.5

9:56 a.m.: Adapt or die. After a 7-1-1 Week 1, I can't rely on the same juju to deliver me another big day. I'm switching RedZone to a different TV in my living room this week, so when I go 0-4, I can punch myself in the forehead and place all the blame on my Vizio.

10:00 a.m.: The RedZone music makes me want to cry tears of happiness. Scott Hanson, it's good to be back, man. Give me points or give me death!

10:06 a.m.: I've spent the entire week berating the Chiefs' defense, so naturally, they force a three-and-out on the opening drive.

10:09 a.m.: The Chiefs' offense though? I love it. I need someone on YouTube to create a 60-minute montage of Patrick Mahomes uncorking 80-yard bombs. Anyway, Kansas City is up 7-0 early. The Panthers also kicked a field goal on their first possession, which I could have told you was going to happen in May.

10:22 a.m.: Another Chiefs touchdown, the second passing score from Mahomes. At this point, I'm all in on the over, unless the Steelers' offense wants to wake up.

10:24 a.m.: Hanson: "And here's an update on the Panthers-Falcons game. We haven't been on this one much." Cut to a clip of the Falcons getting stuffed on third-and-1 and having to settle for a field goal. Ugh. UGH!

10:28 a.m.: Betting unders while watching RedZone is dreadful, but I understand Hanson has a job to do. He shows Sam Darnold getting picked and the Dolphins capitalizing late in the first. 7-0 'Fins.

10:35 a.m.: As the anxiety heightens, so does my need for MOAR COFFEE. The Steelers miss a field goal after a five-minute drive, Cam Newton gets sacked, and Matt Ryan overshoots a wide-open Julio Jones on the following series. Hand me a straw and stick it directly into the coffee pot. Thirty-five minutes in and I'm tilted, which is 26 minutes longer than it took last week.

10:40 a.m.: Yep. It's officially an over apartment. Chiefs up 21-0. Did Le'Veon Bell spike the Gatorade? Heinz Field has to be furious.

10:48 a.m. - I hate when a play I like but don't pull the trigger on looks good. The Browns-Saints under 49.5? After the New Orleans defense was taken to the woodshed by Ryan Fitzpatrick? Unreal. I've seen the Saints fumble in plus territory like three times today.

10:54 a.m.: In probably the best segment of the day thus far, the Steelers respond with a touchdown - I could use at least seven more of those - and the Panthers, unbelievably, score a touchdown in the red zone! They didn't kick a field goal!

11:09 a.m.: The good news: Falcons touchdown, Steelers touchdown. The bad news: Dolphins touchdown, and I have yet to shower today. With how much action there is, I doubt I'll have time until later. I'm not going to take time out of my day to not soak up highlights. I pay $29 a month for RedZone. I'm going to get my money's worth.

11:21 a.m.: It's 21-13 Chiefs and the Steelers have the ball with about three minutes left in the second quarter. I would consider giving up one of my lungs for a Pitt touchdown before the half, and it wouldn't be an easy decision.

11:25 a.m.: 17-10 Falcons at the half. After years of betting Panthers overs, this feels like 100 points.

11:28 a.m.: I loathe betting unders. I've tried to take that wager out of my arsenal completely due to my stress levels rising to the troposphere, but darn it, I keep coming back. It's sad. The Jets-Dolphins game is reason No. 274 why I can't stomach them. A 7-0 game halfway through the second is now 20-0 - and it could have been 27-0 if the Jets didn't mismanage time to end the half.

11:34 a.m.: (surfaces from ocean gasping for air) TAKE MY LUNG AND PUT IT ON YOUR MANTEL, BEN ROETHLISBERGER. It's 21-21 heading into the second half.

11:39 a.m.: I mentioned last week that my routine from a diet standpoint is consistently the same - coffee and coconut oil for hours. I haven't had a carb before 5 p.m. in a decade. Carbohydrates early in the day? You're digging yourself a grave, friend. I'm a sucker for healthy fats and I just might screw around and sizzle some bacon.

11:40 a.m.: Nah, I'm not moving today. #SaveTheBacon

11:52 a.m.: Falcons throw a pick in Panthers territory and the Jets score early in the third. That's the second half I know and love!

11:54 a.m.: Falcons touchdown. I rescind my sourness toward the offense.

11:58 a.m.: Chiefs touchdown to start the second half, 28-21. Momentum is not real.

12:00 p.m.: Late adds: 49ers/Lions over 48 and (dry heaves) the Cardinals +13.

12:10 p.m.: Chiefs/Steelers over 53 is the first one to get home. My eggs are now being chucked into the Pitt -5 basket.

• Chiefs/Steelers OVER 53 ✔
• Steelers -5
• Panthers/Falcons OVER 44.5
• Jets/Dolphins UNDER 42.5
• Lions/49ers OVER 48
• Cardinals +13

12:19 p.m.: My coffee table is littered with Powerade bottles, QuikTrip Styrofoam cups, and coffee stains. It's disgusting or, in this case, it's Sunday. I'm waiting for Hanson to go back to the Panthers-Falcons game, but apparently, we have a punt fest. Oh, and as I type, the Chiefs have answered back. Betting against Mahomes is going to trigger strokes this season.

12:28 p.m.: If you asked me what team Torrey Smith played on, I would have drawn a blank. He just snagged a touchdown for the Panthers - 24-17 with a shade over 10 minutes remaining.

12:31 p.m.: I need Hanson to avoid the Jets-Dolphins game. It's 20-6 and I don't want to see either offense cross midfield over the final 11 minutes.

12:35 p.m.: Jets tack on a field goal, 20-9. I need the Dolphins to get into a triple-option flexbone formation and run for 4 yards a play, maybe take eight minutes off the clock or something. I don't know.

12:37 p.m.: Hanson boxes in the Falcons for a third-and-5 from the 8-yard line. I'm having visions of Steve Sarkisian calling a fade route to a 6-foot Calvin Ridley, or running a fullback dive. Instead, Matt Ryan takes it in himself, and there's the over. Oh, and KC scored again, so those games offset.

• Chiefs/Steelers OVER 53 ✔
• Steelers -5 ✖
• Panthers/Falcons OVER 44.5 ✔
• Dolphins/Jets UNDER 42.5
• Cardinals +13
• Lions/49ers OVER 48

12:46 p.m.: The Browns just missed a go-ahead extra point. LOL.

12:53 p.m.: I switched to Rockstar Zero. My head hurts from the dehydration so I figured I'd counter it with another 240 mg of caffeine. The day is young.

1:03 p.m.: Ryan Tannehill, victory formation enthusiast. Whenever I win an under, I strut around the house with my chest puffed and my eyes crossed in sheer bliss. These are the rewarding wins that are worth sacrificing several years of your life due to stress.

• Chiefs/Steelers OVER 53 ✔
• Steelers -5 ✖
• Panthers/Falcons OVER 44.5 ✔
• Dolphins/Jets UNDER 42.5 ✔
• Cardinals +13
• Lions/49ers OVER 48

1:14 p.m.: I can't believe I wagered money on Sam Bradford and the Cardinals. Betting on a quarterback with sleeves that baggy almost never works out. I expect to be down 33-0 at half.

1:21 p.m.: 3-0 Niners with 6:30 left in the first. With my luck, the Lions' defense will actually rally for Matt Patricia and hold San Fran to 13 points. Oh, and I'm treating the Cardinals game like an under bet. Arizona might not get another first down, to be honest. I just need the clock to tick. I am the Spongebob GIF where he's sitting at the diner by himself with the cup of coffee, just passing time.

1:27 p.m.: I've only had to screen one call today. That's extremely unselfish of me.

1:30 p.m.: Touchdown, Kenny Golladay, to make it 7-3 Lions in the first. Funny story I heard from a friend: Back in college, Golladay was still extremely raw and growing into his body. Before he started really working out and getting after it, Golladay's breakfast apparently consisted of gas station donuts.

1:41 p.m.: Touchdown, Todd Gurley, early in the second quarter. The Cardinals are not good at football and the Rams are. It's 8-0 St. Louis Los Angeles. I have a Torry Holt jersey hanging in my closet from when I was 11. It still kind of fits me.

1:50 p.m.: The Fighting Jimmy Garoppolos score a touchdown to go up 10-7.

2:07 p.m.: I have no problem pegging the Cardinals as the worst team in the NFL. I'm convinced they purposely try get to third down so they can throw 18-yard comeback routes to Larry Fitzgerald. It's now 13-7 Niners and based on what I'm seeing from the Bradford-led Cards, I'm probably going to need that over in the Bay Area.

2:18 p.m.: What I wouldn't do for a nap right now. You can't find an apartment with lower morale. Cardinals getting blasted, Lions trying to run the football, I'm out of energy drinks.

2:22 p.m.: The Rams, up 11-0, go for it on fourth down on the final play of the half and score to go up 19-0. I love it. Put me out of my misery as early as possible, Sean McVay.

2:32 p.m.: 13-10 49ers at the half. These afternoon games as a whole STINK. What am I eating tonight? I need sodium. I'm losing IQ as we speak and might have to bet the Cardinals' second half.

2:50 p.m.: I watched a 49ers kick-return touchdown get negated because the returner stiff-armed an opponent and clawed his face mask. But hey, George Kittle scored a touchdown to make it 20-10 early in the third. I keep acting like I'm not paying attention to the Cardinals game but I keep peeking - and oh look, the offense is playing behind the chains. Glad there were some second-half adjustments.

3:05 p.m.: 20-13 Niners. Cardinals waving the white flag. Jaguars dumping all over the Patriots. Couldn't pay me to watch a Raiders-Broncos game - what a drag. And poor Hanson has to commentate all of this! Give that man a bathroom break. He deserves it.

3:09 p.m.: I will not bet the Sunday Night Football game I will not bet the Sunday Night Football game I will not bet the Sunday Night Football game I will not bet the Sunday Night Football game I will not bet the Sunday Night Football game

3:19 p.m.: Gonna need 17 in the fourth quarter in San Francisco. Sure, I've got another iced coffee and golf-ball-sized chew left in me.

3:23 p.m.: Never mind - Matt Breida just housed a 67-yard run. We need 10, sirs and madams!

3:35 p.m.: Niners pour on a field goal to make it 30-13. Can we get the patented backdoor touchdown by Detroit in the final 10 minutes and change? I'm not sure, but this adrenaline funneling through my veins is quite the change of pace as I hear the Cardinals have 102 yards of total offense.

3:45 p.m.: And that was real, real quick. Lions go down in less than two minutes to put that one over the total. I love prevent defense more than I love half of my distant relatives.

• Chiefs/Steelers OVER 53 ✔
• Steelers -5 ✖
• Panthers/Falcons OVER 44.5 ✔
• Dolphins/Jets UNDER 42.5 ✔
• Cardinals +13 ✖
• Lions/49ers OVER 48 ✔

Last weekend was an impulse decision to play the Bears and the over, and I was fortunate enough to hit both. With the Cowboys and Giants playing on Sunday Night Football, I'm not about to wager on an Eli Manning-Dak Prescott matchup in Jerry World. What's the over/under on checkdowns in that game?

Give me a 4-2 day, an IV of saline solution/water, and $30 worth of bacon cheese fries.

Alex Kolodziej is theScore's betting writer. He's a graduate of Eastern Illinois who has been involved in the sports betting industry for 11 years. He can quote every line from "Rounders" and appreciates franchises that regularly wear alternate jerseys. Find him on Twitter @AlexKoIodziej.