Super Bowl betting buffet: Gambling, food, and football

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I've been thinking about Demi Lovato for the last 72 hours. But not in the way you're imagining.

I'm sure I'll golf clap my way through a couple of player props during Super Bowl LIV as the Kansas City Chiefs face the San Francisco 49ers, but make no mistake: My day will be decided well before kickoff, because my single largest wager is on the anthem, slated to be sung by Lovato herself.

Peers, family members, and fellow degenerates have peppered me with the same question all week:

Who do you like in Sunday's game?

I have minimal insight to offer, beyond maybe a tidbit regarding how spectacular Andy Reid is with time to prepare, or how the 49ers' I-formation could constitute a huge advantage on offense. I might punish an Uber driver who talks to me for an entire 30-minute drive by telling him my dad's cousin's niece's ex-boyfriend is the assistant equipment manager for the Chiefs and that "KC is a lock," if I'm feeling spicy.

Either way, I legitimately couldn't care less. I'm just hoping someone sneaks through security and plants a double-time machine on Lovato's mic stand. I need her official time to come in at 123.5 seconds or less, or I'll be hosting next year's Super Bowl party in a cardboard box.

***

Super Bowl Sunday is overwhelming. It's one of the rare days beyond a college football Saturday when I actually need a notepad and pen - and three gallons of coffee - to stay on track. Right now, that notepad looks like this:

• National anthem under
• Dre Greenlaw under 5.5 tackles + assists
• James Harden -7.5 points vs. Pelicans over first-half points in the Super Bowl (lol)
• Wisconsin-Milwaukee +5
• Under 4.5 Chiefs players to record a rush
• Pascal Siakam's points + rebounds -0.5 versus Jimmy Garoppolo pass attempts

If you think that's a lot to digest, you should take a gander at my grocery list.

***

My Super Bowl Sunday eating routine runs parallel with just about every other day on the calendar: Stock up on caffeine early, maybe nibble on some beef jerky during the day, and try to consume 4,000 calories at night, preferably when the games are over. Do you think I can root for Harden to drive to the paint every possession on a full stomach? No, I cannot. But you don't not eat during the Super Bowl; that's a psycho move. Instead of laying out what's on the docket today - according to NFL Insider Adam Schefter, my dinner choice is a game-time decision - I present to you my Super Bowl Sunday food MVP odds ranking:

***

As I peruse millions of prop markets this morning and take out loans because I'm convinced there will be fewer than 3.5 field goals, I'm struck by the thought of a bittersweet ending to a truly romantic time of year. After today, there will be a seven-month football layoff.

No more weekends of pigskin. No more weekends of Scott Hanson blessing me with backdoor touchdowns on "NFL RedZone." No more telling my bookie I'm in the hospital with a broken fibula so it's going to take a week to pay him.

As the curtain falls on another NFL season, just remember this: Good teams win, great teams cover, and national anthem singers deserve the world - so long as they hurry the hell up.

Alex Kolodziej is a betting writer for theScore. He's a graduate of Eastern Illinois who has been involved in the sports betting industry for 12 years. He can quote every line from "Rounders" and appreciates franchises that regularly wear alternate jerseys. Find him on Twitter @AJKolodziej.