Winners and losers from an unbelievable round of 16
How's your heart doing after that? The round of 16, continuing with the theme of the 2018 World Cup thus far, delivered incredible levels of drama.
Star names and sides were sent packing; minnows rejoiced; incredible goals were scored - some in the 94th minute; even the dullest matches went to the soap opera that is penalties.
Here, we look back at the winners and losers from an incredible slate of games that had it all, and then some.
Winner - Marouane Fellaini
The ultimate Plan B.
Yes, he moves around the pitch with the grace of a giraffe, limbs gangling and elbows flailing - often into somebody else's face. And yes, he may only have one discernible skill, but dammit, it's a pretty handy one when you need a change of approach.
Marouane Fellaini, the widely disparaged Belgian whose inclusion in the Red Devils' squad over box-to-box dynamo Radja Nainggolan prompted anger and ridicule, showed exactly what he offers to Roberto Martinez's squad in the madcap 3-2 comeback win over Japan on Monday.
Related - Gone in 12 seconds: Breaking down Belgium's game-winning counter-attack
The afro-clad midfielder came off the bench with his side down 2-0, facing another humiliating major-tournament exit square in the face. Whether you think he belongs on a football pitch or in the Octagon, there's no denying that his presence inside the penalty area was an enormous reason why Belgium is in the quarter-finals, and not on a plane back home, as Fellaini rose above everyone to head home the equaliser in the wild contest.
He won 5.6 aerial duels per 90 minutes with Manchester United last season, so it's not as though the dominance with his cranium comes as a surprise. But even if you know it's coming, it's nearly impossible to stop if the likes of Eden Hazard or Kevin De Bruyne get the delivery into the penalty area right.
Brazil, you've been warned.
Loser - The phrase 'death by 1,000 passes'
Spain's vaunted tiki-taka - the sharp, quick passing style that saw La Roja dominate world football and win three major tournaments on the spin from 2008 to 2012 - died a slow, horrible death in the round of 16 against Russia.
The numbers, at least on the surface, were there.
Spain completed an absurd 1,006 passes and racked up 74 percent of possession. But it was sterile and tedious - more safe and sideways than incisive and forward - and ultimately saw the 2010 World Cup champion succumb to the indefatigable Russians on penalties.
Related: Spain only has itself to blame for shocking World Cup exit
Since stats behemoth Opta began collecting passing data in 1966, no team has ever completed that many passes in a single match. Compare that to the Russians, who brought on Vladimir Granat to start the second half and watched him complete a grand total of zero passes in 75 minutes. He attempted only five. Seriously.
In total, the host nation strung together a measly 191 passes. And it worked, because Spain, lacking an actual manager to make the necessary changes - the unprecedented Julen Lopetegui exit just hours before the tournament looms large now - looked bereft of ideas to break down an organized, stubborn backline that simply sat there, begging to be attacked.
In a way, this was death by 1,000 passes. Only this time, the deceased was Spain itself.
Winner - Paris Saint-Germain
Kylian Mbappe shredded Argentina with a match-winning brace - Marcos Rojo is still having nightmares about his pace - Edinson Cavani sunk Cristiano Ronaldo and Portugal with a pair of superb goals, and Neymar, despite flopping around like a salmon, scored once and set up another as Brazil sent Mexico home at the last-16 stage for a seventh straight World Cup.
Imagine if all three played for the same club? Oh, right.
There were a handful of excellent performances in this round, but the Paris Saint-Germain trio shone brightest.
Even Thomas Meunier came to the fore, setting up the last-gasp winner in Belgium's miraculous comeback win over Japan.
With France set to meet Uruguay, and Brazil slated to lock horns with Belgium on the same side of the bracket, the French superclub is guaranteed to have a presence in the World Cup final.
Loser - Edinson Cavani haters
Still think La Celeste's other striker isn't clutch?
Not only did he score the two goals that pushed Uruguay past Portugal and into the quarter-finals, he did it in gorgeous fashion. His first tally was the result of a spectacular sequence in which he played the ball out to strike partner Luis Suarez and then ghosted in at the back post to get his head - or, more accurately, his face - on the end of a vicious cross.
His second, the match-winner, was a work of art.
Cavani opened up his body from the edge of the box and curled a sumptuous effort into the far post. The technique he displayed is the type of thing that should be taught to kids at football academies everywhere.
But please, continue to tell us why someone who has scored 194 league goals over his last eight seasons (across two leagues) isn't an elite finisher.
Winner - Vladimir Putin
If Vladimir Putin ever decides that he no longer wants to serve as Russia's president, he'll have a long and fruitful career as the lead VAR official at future World Cups.
Related: Spain wasn't awarded penalty in extra time and everyone made Putin jokes
He already completed his introductory training session in extra time of the host nation's stunning upset of Spain, after all.
Loser - Rabiot the psychic octopus
Another animal oracle bites the dust.
The 2010 World Cup was all about Paul, the O.G. of psychic octopi, and it looked as though the 2018 edition would see his Japanese protege, Rabiot, achieve similar levels of stardom.
After the giant Pacific octopus correctly "predicted" the Samurai Blue's opening three results - victory over Colombia, a draw with Senegal, and a loss to Poland to close out the group stage - he should have done exactly that.
Instead, he ended up on someone's plate.
Kimio Abe, who caught Rabiot, confirmed that he was killed and sold at a seafood market before Japan's heartbreaking last-16 defeat to Belgium, adding that he caught a replacement octopus whom he hoped would replace his boiled brethren.
Be nice to your good luck charms, kids.
Winner - Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi stans
Yes, both megastars got bounced in their respective last-16 matches, but stick with me here for a second.
For those who associate themselves with one of the two - because it's impossible to appreciate the greatness of both, apparently - the debate over who is the one true GOAT often devolves into a shouting match that focuses on the shortcomings of the other above all else.
Related: Messi's legacy is incomplete without the World Cup - but it's not his fault
In the round of 16, both sets of stans went home happy.
"Ronaldo was completely shut down by Uruguay? Sure, but did you see Messi fail to inspire his team to a win over France. What a fraud."
"Messi's never scored a goal in the World Cup knockout stages? Fine, but Ronaldo got outplayed by Edinson Cavani. What a loser."
And around and around they go.
If anything, this asinine debate is what fuels some of these fans, and both Messi and Ronaldo bowing out of this World Cup gives them a whole new set of material for the message boards.
Loser - Your health
Never mind simply being stapled to a seat in front of a television or computer screen (we see you streaming the game at work) for hours on end, none of this stress is good for your heart.
The drama is incredible, but the nerves, man, even when watching a team that you have no affiliation with, can't be healthy.
Please remember to go outside and get some fresh air between matches.
Bonus: Loser - Narrative
England won a penalty shootout. For real. Your jokes about the Three Lions are not valid anymore.
Football might actually be coming home.
(Photos courtesy: Getty Images)