Weird Week in Football: Sorcery, silly Seagulls and sending offs

Every Monday, theScore will highlight the most outlandish moments from the wacky, sometimes daft, and perennially entertaining world of football. Here's what made us smile - or cringe - on the pitch this past week.

Kevin Doyle: A vicious cycle

Colorado Rapids striker Kevin Doyle's reaction to booting himself in the face with a wayward bicycle kick was fitting as the Republic of Ireland international appeared two-tired to continue. Folks.

Stelling it like it is

Sky Sports' anchor and Hartlepool United president Jeff Stelling used his platform last week to plead with Monkey Hangers gaffer Dave Jones, "This isn’t personal to Dave Jones but for the good of the club, walk now."

"If it means me retiring or resigning as club president I do so happily. Do it now, do it today."

With 'Pool languishing in the League Two relegation zone after a 2-0 defeat to Barnet with a drab 13 points from a possible 51 during Jones' tenure, Stelling's demands clearly didn't fall on deaf ears.

From Russia with chaos

Zenit St. Petersburg welcomed Ural on Saturday in Russian Premier League play and the visitor decided to defy convention by scrapping plans to play 11 vs. 11.

First, Romanian midfielder Eric Bicfalvi was sent off for a second yellow in the 60th minute for the tackle shown below.

Incensed by the referee's decision, former Tottenham striker Roman Pavlyuchenko was sent off, psycho look in tow, before Ural was down to eight men when Roman Emelyanov was handed his marching orders for a second caution in the 86th minute.

Seagulls' Stockdale: OG

Hard to blame Brighton shot-stopper David Stockdale for not being sharp against Norwich City days after securing automatic Premier League promotion for the Seagulls. Two own goals in twenty minutes. Not even Richard Dunne has managed that.

Cruz Azul's skeleton closet cleansed by witchy woman

Liga MX side Cruz Azul has had it with traditional means of righting wrong form, enlisting leathery local witch La Bruja Zulema to lift the hex that had the club fourth from bottom in the Clausura with three matches to play.

Zulema claimed that haunted animal bones had doomed 20-year title-less Cruz Azul's campaign, and a weekend victory over Chivas would be guaranteed with some spellbound sorcery. Thanks to Zulema's wizardry and goals from Angel Mena and Francisco Silva, Cruz Azul got exactly that, vaulting Necaxa in the table with a 2-1 win.

Bastian who?

When Thierry Henry made the New York Red Bulls switch, the former Arsenal star admitted that "It’s great not to be recognized."

Fellow World Cup winner Bastian Schweisteiger now knows exactly what the pacey Frenchman meant in highlighting that welcomed anonymity of playing in the North America top flight.