Weird Week in Hoops: Shaq's lapses, wonky Wizards, and Lowry's potty mouth

Every Sunday, theScore's most discerning minds highlight the week's lighter moments from around the basketball universe. Here's what caught our eyes this week.

Be warned: Weird Week contains coarse content. It's coarse and rough and irritating - and it gets everywhere.

Shaq's not great with names

A week after "Inside the NBA" panelist Shaquille O'Neal flubbed on Raptors forward Pascal Siakam's first name (hint: it's Pascal), the halftime broadcast decided to double down on the former big man's dearth of knowledge with a segment titled "Shaq's First Name Game."

If Shaq is trolling viewers for laughs, it actually worked in this instance. Calling Kings forward Richaun Holmes "John" was a crafty nod to famed adult film thespian John Holmes. The fact that Ernie, Kenny, and Charles all got that reference really speaks to their collective appreciation for cinema.

Ant-Man finds his lucky charm

Apologies to LaMelo Ball, but if first-year Timberwolves dunk machine Anthony Edwards starts speaking in an Irish accent, just hand him Rookie of the Year honors now.

Bit of advice for Edwards: Never borrow money from a leprechaun - they're always a little short. (Boooooo.)

Scotty doesn't know

Washington Wizards bench boss Scott Brooks is rarely considered one of the league's best coaches, but to his credit, he sure does know talent when he sees it.

Big if true - but let's simmer down with the scorching hot takes, Scott.

Mad Max cites Utah for Jordan's tummy troubles

Former 13-year NBA veteran Vernon Maxwell hates Utah, and a quick glance at his Twitter contributions will confirm as much.

"Mad Max" was at it again this week, highlighting the "biggest accomplishment" in the history of "the Beehive State."

Westbrook whiffs on basic bucket

Speaking of greasy grips, Washington's Russell Westbrook somehow air-balled a dunk attempt against the Lakers.

"Westbrook is probably one of the 12 best players on the team," Scott Brooks might have opined.

Tatum hawks tasty treats

The best way to measure a player's notoriety is through his sponsors, and judging by Jayson Tatum's two most recent advertisements, the Celtics star has surely vaulted into the stratosphere of superstardom.

First, Tatum and Draymond Green plugged artisanal sandwich architects Subway with some back-and-forth banter mocking Green's scoring numbers and Tatum's failure to win an NBA championship. To be fair, both subs look decent - if not a bit rigid.

Then, Tatum - who, as far as we know, has no relation to former Russian pop duo t.A.T.u. - was unveiled as the new Ruffles chips spokesperson. "When I was growing up, I loved eating chips," Tatum told CelticsBlog's Keith Smith.

So did we, which is a good reminder that the Weird Week is still looking for corporate sponsors.

Pictured: Jayson Tatum holding a real bag of chips and not just positioning his hand in such a way that any consumer good could be superimposed over his open hand by his marketing team.

Too many men on the ice

The Hornets might have stumbled on a brilliant way to improve their 18th-ranked defense if it wasn't for the NBA's pesky rule book:

Next week, head coach James Borrego hopes to deploy the tried and true "two players pretending to be one large player while wearing a giant trench coat" defense.

Lowry has a bad case of the 'shits'

This reader submission comes from Mitchell Morrison, who wanted to draw our attention to Kyle Lowry's colorful live postgame interview on the Canadian broadcast for the Raptors' win over the Rockets on Friday.

Where on earth did the franchise player learn such foul language? All we know so far is that his mother is denying culpability.

Nick Nurse might need to put a swear jar in the Raps' locker room.

Come back next Sunday for more oddities, inanities, and obscenities from the wonderful world of basketball - and remember to send your nominations and submissions to [email protected].